Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Tears

manage to get a proper sleep for the first time after so long... a full 8 hrs sleep...
then woke up...
went to combine cell group meeting with xueting...
thanks everyone for you concern...
i appreciate it a lot...
i know... you guys are my just like my family...
but...
i dun even share anything with my family about what happen to me...
sorry for keeping quiet and not sharing what is happening to me...
but that's just me...

i've been walking closer and closer with god...
i have saw his words for me...
He told me to be responsible for this...
For this ending is created by me...
Be responsible that you can't take care of her... So let her go...
Also...
He told me no one is without a sin in this world...
He told me i have no rights to condemn her that she left me for another guy...
For me myself have sins in other area...
And he told me too, he himself did not condemn anyone... Neither her or me...

He too told me...
If you really love her...
Forgive her...

I dunno what he told me are just concidience that happen...
Or is he really talking to me...
But i really felt that this time...
It's too much to be called concidience...

When i was praying just now at the cell group meeting at church...
I was praying for her all the way...

Dear lord...
There is no more chances that i will going to take care of her...
Dear lord...
I place her life into your hand...
Dear lord...
Please protect her for me...
Dear lord...
Give her happiness... Give her peace... Give her love...
I have walk away from her life...
All i can do now is to pray for her...
And place her under you care...
Dear lord...
Give her a shelter if she is seeking one...
Give her a tower of refuge if she wanted to hide...
Give her peace is she if her heart is heavy...
Help me to protect her lord...
Amen.

I promise her to stay strong...
I have always stay strong today...
I manage to force myself to smile all the way when people talk to me...
But maybe... A force smile and a real smile is just too different...
Everyone just know that my smile is a fake smile...
jasmine, my bible study teacher, and xueting pull me oneside in the church hall...
and they told me...
to stop smiling...
cus they feel the hurt in me...
and keep asking me to speak to them and tell them what happen...
i manage to stay strong and keep smiling and saying nothing has happen i am fine...
but after they said something to me...
"there is a time to stay strong... and there is a time to realease and show your weaker self... we are one family... weichong, we are your sisters, we love you... we really wanted to know what has happen to you..."
tears just falls...
i know i couldn't control anymore...
i really can't take that hurt inside me...
i am really bursting soon...
but they burst it for me...
i burst into tears...
but still...
i tried to stay strong...
to smile even when i am crying...
for never have i ever... cried in front of so many people...
never have i...
cry in the public full of people that know me...
but i still kept quiet...
and they still dunno what has happen...

thanks xueting for treating me to eat again...
still remember that day you just force me to walk out of the house and treat me eat... the sunflower you gave me, i've hang it on my bag le ^^

To my dearest one and only...
I just want to tell you that...
I am living strongly...
Thanks for coming into my life...
You are still the greatest gift god ever gave me...
someone ask me... if you know this would happen... will you still want her or not...
i tell them...
i have no regrets...
the days of happiness we once shared... can't compare to this pain...
a day more of happiness we shared together... it worth more then a year of pains...
i have never regreted... that i have met you...
my dearest...
it's ok...
live you life happilly if you can...
i will too...
my dearest...
i have forgiven everything that you did to hurt me...
but my dearest...
will you forgive me...
i am sorry...
there is one last thing i wanna give you...
i want to meet you once last time...
to give you something...
most precious in my life...
really wish to see you one last time...
and give you this gift...
goodbye...

Posted at
5:59 AM
My life.
Lib's life.
Pika~!