Saturday, May 31, 2008

I want to be lost...

I don't wish to face reality...
I just want to be lost...
In feelings... In emotions...
I just feel like, letting my emotions to run me...
I am tired of controlling my emotions...

haiz...
I just wanna be wild and crazy and do stupid things...
I don't want to face life...
The harsh truth of life...

O's this year...
Haiz... Fk it.

Haiz...
I feel like writing a poem...
To express myself...
But... i just can't do it this time...
How?
haiz...

Posted at
9:39 PM
My life.
Lib's life.
Pika~!

Friday...

Yea it friday...

Couldn't really sleep...
Went to school guai guai...
lol

After that went home then out again...
Play pool with sw,ty and jx...
Haiz... Haiz... Haiz...
I just couldn't play seriously lol >.<"
easy ball also miss lol

then went to meet jie at lot 1...
eat the went home...
haha

my jie still at my house now...
sleeping like log -.-"
she like very tired lol

she told me she not going to aust liao...
well... kind of happy >.<"
but... haiz... dunno what to say...

I just couldn't sleep these days...
Always end up with a few hrs sleep and freaking tired...
haiz...

Posted at
5:35 AM
My life.
Lib's life.
Pika~!

Friday, May 30, 2008

Life ain't great...

Tmd i got trick to school today...

Today was A maths 1st and 2nd slot, E maths 3rd slot...
I was chem 2nd slot, e maths 3rd slot...

zzz
If i have known it was full day maths i wouldnt have to go... -.-"
Stupid... Which idiot told me the wrong schedule? tmd...

Haiz...

Let's begin our blogging...
Thursday...
Went out with jie
Well we did everything undecided lol...
went to marina square...
we saw...
PIKACHU! lol

then we was basically eating all the way -.-"
then we went to esplanade...
and you know who i saw?
those malays girls in class 5/1 -.-"
what luck... singapore is just too small...

then we go the vomiting merlion there... lol
sit there chill abit and see star...
I blowed the clouds away! >.<"

then went home...

then...
thelesis not around for our CS session -.-"
Well then i host the game...
3 ppl nia -.-"
the unexpected long time MIA guest, gobby was present ^^
he machiam dunno lost to where liao so long no see...
then suddenly join room lol

But...
Haiz...
Life still sux...
Well...
I heard from jie her might not be going to aust...
hmm... i totally dunno what to reply when she said it...
I don't want her to stay...
I don't want her to go...
I only want her to be happy ^^
But well of course i hope she can stay so that i can be with her...

Haiz...
Humans... Must make decision eh?
I hate to make decision though...
That's why I always let other to decide what to do until other totally got no idea then i will make the decision...
This is just like me no?
lol
Still remember last time in NPCC...
I always doing nothing... Until my NCO cannot take it liao then i go in to help lol...

Haiz...
I wish life change for a better...
Life just sux...
If life sux throughout, i wonder why do i exist in this world for...

Lib.

Posted at
11:52 AM
My life.
Lib's life.
Pika~!

Thursday, May 29, 2008

I can't believe it...

Why are such things happenings...
Can be life be a lot more simple?

Can I please have a simple life?
I want nothing...
I only want to be happy...
I want peace...

Haiz...
I want life to be easy going...
I want others to lead me... I don't want to lead and make decision...

I just want...
To be happy...

Haiz...

Posted at
11:07 AM
My life.
Lib's life.
Pika~!

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Read all my old post...

I just read all my old post...

Lol...
it was like...
The past feeling i had...
are terrible...

i dun want to be back again...

i want my current life more...

^^

Posted at
12:32 PM
My life.
Lib's life.
Pika~!

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Singles Club, SC

Haiz...
What has SC become in the absent of me?
haiz...

Nat ah why your comp spoil at such time?
why spoil when i not free to mod?

Haiz...
SC have been getting a little messy...
haiz...
blame seoti for all that lol...
(i hope he doesnt see this >.<")

I miss our old SC...
Where we talk, crap, bullshit... almost every night...
just because...
just because i am a little inactive there...
it started to became even less inactive?
haiz...

we NEED SPAMMERS BACK INTO SC!
Now now...
where are all our lao jiao?

haiz...
i guess...
just let SC die down a little bah...
if it can go back like what it was before by itself then good...

After O's...
I promise...
I will bring SC back to life again...
I will revive our old members...
I will bring out our unity again...
remember how we climb so high within a few months?
in mere 5 months time to top 20?

Though we are top 10 now, but our activity are dropping!
SC will NOT FALL!
I WILL BE BACK TO REVIVE IT!

I miss our old community...
haiz...
those old times...

A promise made...
I will bring the old SC spirit back...
I promise...
but then ah...
wait lah after my O's -.-"

^^

Posted at
8:21 PM
My life.
Lib's life.
Pika~!

Part of growing up...

Yea...
It is just another part of my life...
Accepting the fact... Which i never wanted to accept...

It is just another part of my growing up life...
That people come and goes...
And I'll need to learn to let go...

But...
Will I be able to learn to accept fact?
I don't know...

Growing up...
I wish I need not to grow...
And stay as a kid...
Forever...

Just let me be happy a little more...
Just a little more...
And...
Hells come...

Will i be able to endure through this hell?
Especially alone?

Haiz...

Posted at
6:12 PM
My life.
Lib's life.
Pika~!

Monday, May 26, 2008

Farewell jie...

I guess...
This is the first ever time i am so sad...
This is the first ever time someone so close to me is going to leave me...
How am I gonna continue my life?

In the past, I use to be always alone... No one has ever showered me with love... I always broke down mentally but then, no one ever knows... For, I have no one to share with... Thus... I hides my feelings... and emotions... all the time...

I then realised i couldnt take it anymore... I decided to rely and trust people around me... But then... I soon also realise... No one could be trusted...
And live my life alone, again...

It was then... This person appeared...
RainYuki she called herself, my belove sister, my jie...
10th may 2008... i will never forget this date...
She showed my love, care and concern... Which no one has given me before...
Within just a few days... Just a few days when she became my sis...
She has became the most important person in my life...
NO ONE COULD EVER REPLACE HER!
I love her...

Even though she has became my jie for like...
2 weeks only?
but she has already become part of my life...
Which i cannot do without her...

I really love my jie alot... Damn a lot...
She is the only person in this world who care for me...

But...
Fate just love to play with people...
I only know her for such a short time, and she is already leaving... soon... damn soon...
I couldn't take it... when she told me she is leaving... an impact to great for me to handle...

I went home...
and cried... and cried...
She is the first ever person... who love me so much, and... hurt me so much...
She is the first ever person... who leave me crying for hours... and days...

I really want her to stay with me... I really wanted...
But...
She said this...
"Life always has people coming and go...
And i just leave to try out my new life..."
and it continues...
"I never leave as I already stays in your heart forever...
especially Pika..."
This word she said... I could never forget...
She said she never leave...
She lied... to me...
as she has already left... to try out for her new life...

Her love... Care... and Concern for me...
Is all only just for a few weeks...
A few weeks...
That is all I could ever get throughout my life...
I guessed... I am not fated to be loved... Cared... and concerned...

I don't ever think...
I will trust another person again...
I don't wanna...
Get hurt again...

I love you Jie... Forever...
Even though you hurt me like no others...
I promise that you will remain in my heart...
Forever...

Crying while typing,
Pika

Posted at
8:12 PM
My life.
Lib's life.
Pika~!

Sunday, May 25, 2008

fuck it...

i actually wanna post about something happy...
but my freaking mum just spoil my mood today...

idiot...
tmd...

cant you guys just give me some peace?

Posted at
12:14 PM
My life.
Lib's life.
Pika~!

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Relying only myself...

Yea...
No matter what this is still mine life...
No one would bother over it...
Everyone have their own life...

Yea i should go back to what i am like...
I shouldnt start to rely on others...
Again, this is my life...
I would rely on myself this time...

Although I don't really know i can make it or not...
but still, i will try...

It hurts so much
deep in my heart
that i realise
i am on my on again...

I wont hurt myself physically again...
I won't cut again...
I won't burn again...
I just find some healthy way to torture myself...
Ride bike? Pumpings? Up and down the stairs?
I don't know...

Dear lord...
Is this what life is mean?
Please give me some of your wisdom to understand what is life suppose to be meant...
I am... Just a lose sheep...
I need you, lord, my shepherd, to help me...

Lib.

Posted at
11:19 AM
My life.
Lib's life.
Pika~!

Fridays outing...

Didnt went school...
cus feeling damn tired...
and go school also nothing to do...

went out to find jie at 3 at ps...
and yea...
she is late again -.-"
+ her phone was uncontactable...
zzz


went to arcade... spend so much on the toy grabbing machine but no luck lol
tempted sia lol...
went around then we went to paradiz play pool lols
well we like anyhow play de lols

then went back to ps and find joker...
again, arcade...
and again... we went to play the toy grabbing thingy...
and again... no luck -.-"

then went around walking in circle lol
and finally...
dinner time...

ate at fish market...
everything was fish -.-"
haiz... why fish sia... i hate fish...

after eating went to ECP
actually wanna to drink at cabana de but then...
chip say ex so we went to play pool...
and yea pool again haha
i won chip!
>.<" but tyco one haha

then one by one all leave liao...
jie leave...
seoti and tessa leave...
tiny and devil MIA then sms me that they going off...
left lim papa, joker, chip and me...

haiz...
sainz sia...
bad night all pang seh nia...
haiz...

went to la kopi with joker and seoti later on...
then went to mac chill...
and joker send me home...

what a day...

and yea,
jie is cute >.<"
so am i!
lol i know i bhb lols

Lib.

Posted at
4:18 AM
My life.
Lib's life.
Pika~!

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

21st may, 8pm. A new me...

let's see...
i am going back...
serious...

I understand what that monkey said...
June, July, Augest is all i have...

all for one goal...
yea...

Solitude.
Will be my friend...
For now...

Now lets recall...
How am i use to be like...
tsk tsk...
Isn't that great...

studies...
what a tough problem...
well...
problem are meant to overcome...

I guess i took enough rest...
I guess it time to go back to my old self...
all for the sake of...
O lvls...

I remembered suddenly...
I didnt aim for 15...
My aim is...
10 point.
Thats it.
I gonna get it.
It is not an aim, it is a must...
4 X A1
1 X C6

E maths, A maths, Physics, Chemistry, History, Social Studies...
Just mere 7 subject...
Piece of cake for 3 months...


Cheers~
Lib.

Posted at
8:56 PM
My life.
Lib's life.
Pika~!

Yea i guess i know the answer...

Yea...
I think i know how path to take now...

well...
then this is blog is of no use anymore...
and therefore...
my posting will be rare now...

Cheers

Posted at
7:31 PM
My life.
Lib's life.
Pika~!

Alone?

Haiz...

I am so confuse...

Today, someone i respect, someone who is intelligent, has said something, which is totally opposite to what i believe in...
What he said is what i used to believe in... In the past...

What is he thinking?
I dun know...

Alone.
Lonely is not bad...
He said that...

I used to believe that I can rely on no one... and do my things alone... and success without the help of others support, physically or mentally...

I am tired of others relying on me...
tired of relying myself...
and i started to... rely on others...
i just couldnt handle that stress of being alone and the feeling of loneliness...

he said that... people like to use a word...
"stress"
yea... i have use it...

I use to believe that stress is nothing but something that dun exist and could be handle...
I use to believe i can handle my own problems and dun need to share my worries with anyone...
I use to believe that loneliness is just another human weakness and i wont let it affect me...

Then i started to rely on others...
sharing my problems with them...
spending my time with them...
and taking away my loneliness...

Now...
He said something...
which totally made me in total confuse...

someone who i have great respect for as what he think is normally same as mine...
someone who easily read other people feeling easily... just like me...

now...
haiz...

Should i change my thinking again?
Should i be back to the past where i am just alone?
Can i handle the stress which he say is just an excuse?

Well...
I shall try...
For his experience surpass me...

Posted at
6:51 PM
My life.
Lib's life.
Pika~!

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

tuesday, today... school... T.T

woke up a few time during the sleep...
cus i sleep for 12 hours lols...

went sch... fking hot sia...
i kena chase out of class by my chinese teacher >.<"
but she just cant chase me off lol...
then my form teacher come in she complain to my form teacher -.-"
haiz my dear lao shi betray me T.T
lol

I QUITE SMOKING LIAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
after sch, DIDNT SMOKE!
power right?
i say liao, i quit means quit...
i wont like last time kena tempt by stupid zhu mei liao...
this time no one will tempt me!
hehe...

went to fred house after i went home to play bball...
tmd all say wanna quit then give up... not even 24hrs give up liao...
me still best, every single one smoke except for me...
well...
I AM GOOD!
haha
i am very guai wor...
dun smoke, dun drink >.<"

then i kena an accident T.T
i knock my toe with my bike when going down the stair... haiz...
my nail bend back and bleeing sia...
haiz limping now... -.-"
well at least i play bball still can score and pass ball haha...

well went home...
and now typing this...
anyway i gonna sleep liao see ya peeps around~

Posted at
9:00 PM
My life.
Lib's life.
Pika~!

Vesak day, monday...

ok lets start from where i woke up...

lol i just couldnt sleep...
then i disturb jie until she woke up lol >.<"
opps... haha

then we lie on bed for some time before we decided to leave the bed to makan lol
went to lot one eat...
actually meeting yan hong and chee ming they all de at 1pm but then 1pm then we start eating lol...
jie jie treat me eat wor >.<"
haha my jie the best! love her lots >.<"

after that she went off le...
i walk to stadium to find them lol...
wha badminton nice to play sia...
first time playing >.<"
lol

then went to find tat yi they all play bball lols...
after that we became construction worker again lol!

went home, bath and sleep til next day...

Posted at
8:50 PM
My life.
Lib's life.
Pika~!

Sunday birthday party for siwei darling~

woohoo it was starting well...
hmm some people came at 3pm i forgot who liao lols
then we play marvel vs capcom... haiz no challenge T.T
i wanna someone to beat me to it T.T

then 4pm went out to find jie...
i thought i was late and rush out but then...
guess what, she reach lot 1 at 5.30 -.-"
late for more then an hour! grrr...

then bring her to my house...
reach le guess what she do?
sleep in my bed -.-"
zzz lol like zhu right?
lol

then go downstair eat... haha
then they walk to ten mile sia... zzz
so far leh... -.-"

then go back le eat cake...
then drinking session start~
go into my room with air con drink...
first down, Ph... -.-" lols

stupid jeremy then spill the cup tmd...
then my jie so good help me mop >.<"
haha love you jie >.<"
my jie so good wor >.<"

then they go home le...
then left me and jie nia...
i cant sleep lol... went to play grandchase + smoke until tired then go sleep...

ok ok next day le see next post~
it was just an hour sleep anyway -.-"

Posted at
8:35 PM
My life.
Lib's life.
Pika~!

Thursday, May 15, 2008

i know what i wanted already...

i know what i want in my life already...

well...
i finally found a positive reason to live my life...

Cheers~

^^

It seems that...
my life has come anew...

yea...

haha

Posted at
11:45 PM
My life.
Lib's life.
Pika~!

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Now now....

my whole family know that i smoke liao...
-.-"
during dinner my families were on the topic of smoking...
then my aunt ask me say i got smoke not, better dun smoke...

well...
i dun lie de... i am a guai boy boy ^^
so... everyone know i smoke now -.-"

haiz...

Posted at
11:36 PM
My life.
Lib's life.
Pika~!

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Oldest post... and memories of her...

I just read my blog...

my oldest post...
from the very start...

then...

the first ever post i posted in that blog...

i saw the story...
of me... and her...

haiz...

then i suddenly remembered...
she was actually the one who make me go back to blogging again after few years without blogging...
and i deleted all my old post cus i feel that with her around i will have a new start...

haiz...
memories...
are just hurting...

Haiz...

Then i too saw those post when i have just became mod of AA...
and... SC being created...

Haiz...

Posted at
9:56 PM
My life.
Lib's life.
Pika~!

well...

Hmm...
Should i removed squall and riona?
they seems to be a little... odd... haha

hmm...
what should i replace them with leh?
i am out of picture T.T
and i am lazy to make new one...
and....
I NO PHOTOSHOP WTH@(*#*^@)(*!#*(#^%@#...

ehem...
lol

I've left lunanoire... Yea... For good this time...

i am damn tired of life...
damn tired...

i wish i could take a long break...
a very very very very long one...

i haven really have a break for years...
yea years...
all my free time goes into working...

this year...
O's...
and i am already tired out...
fk...

i need a break...
a long break...
but...
how could i even have one?
haiz...

this is the first few time...
stress has taken over me...
O's are easy to me...

but...
i just can control my ownself...
my on mood...
i just...
cant study...

haiz...
haiz...

i am bored of life...
nothing seems to spice life up...
how i wish my life could end...
sooon...
yea...
soon...

Posted at
9:14 PM
My life.
Lib's life.
Pika~!

Sunday, May 04, 2008

My feel is back...

I gonna play with my template again!

but first and for most, i gonna start learning from basic cus i forget everything liao -.-"

alright... now where's my html coding notes... hmm... i think it was once in recycle bin and... deleted... -.-"

haiz...

Posted at
10:13 PM
My life.
Lib's life.
Pika~!